So, if God has existed forever…you know, what did he do in his spare time, like, before he made the Earth and everything? - Father Dougal

People shuffled in quietly to the Church finding a free pew to sit on. Light pours in from the stained glass windows. Everybody is serene as the wait for the bell to ring and the priest to appear. I sit staring at the Apostles’ Creed and thinking is it really a profession of faith or a way of indoctrination?

The problem with being a teenager is that you start to question everything that you were raised to believe is true. I believed that if I stole sweets from my sister then God would be watching me and he wouldn’t be happy. I believed that when somebody died then they looked down on you from heaven.  Now I’ve become philosophical and I ask myself whether or not God really exists.

On the one hand religion has been a part of everyday life for at least 4000 years. Maybe people had the same ideas at the same time but there is some kind of collective experience there. There are miracles every day that can’t be explained by science. I don’t want to believe we’re alone in the universe and when you die that’s it, you fade into nothing. For me it doesn’t make any sense that one moment someone could be alive and experience the world and then just disappear.

On the other hand, it’s very easy to see how as a race we would have begun by attributing the unexplainable to a more powerful force. Before science if a volcano erupted it was because a god was angry, but now we know better. It’s easy to see how we would give this force attributes and make it look like us because we don’t have the imagination to think of anything else. Logically, even if the world was created by intelligent design what are the chances that there is a God that cares about each one of us and cares about whether we sin or not? In reality we’re a speck in a great expanse.

The thing is, I really want to believe. I was talking to a friend about this and he told me a heartbreaking story about his friend’s family and the different sorts of illnesses and accidents that have been thrown at them. It made me think, isn’t it easier to be angry at God for neglecting us rather than face being alone in the middle of nothing? I want to have the conviction that some of the people I know have because they are honestly content. I used to have it. My mum described faith and just knowing deep down that there is something more. There’s no logic to explain it, it’s just there.

Does God exist? He may, or he may not. If he/she/it does we have no idea what form God will take or whether it is loving, vengeful or indifferent. In all honesty we know nothing. Yet some people know that something exists beyond our understanding and I wish I was one of them.

Everybody in the Church stands and there is a rustle of paper. The priest clears his throat and the silence is broke with a chorus of “We believe in one God, father the almighty, maker of Heaven and Earth, of all that is seen and unseen…”

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