WARNING: This review contains spoilers.
I got bitten by the Twilight bug about two years ago. Despite the fact that the main character is a total Mary Sue (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Sue), the hero in the story sneaks into the heroine’s bedroom at night and watches her sleeping in a stalkerish manner, and the total lack of plot, you can’t help but like the books just a little bit. The book doesn’t stand up much to literary criticism but you get so absorbed into the romance that you don’t really care, and that’s the book’s saving grace. The problem with the Twilight movie was that it didn’t grab you in the same way as the books due to bad acting and some weird special effects (Edward jumping up a tree anybody?). I left liking the books a lot less because I could now see, in the plain light of the cinema, just how bad they really were.
I went to see New Moon with low expectations and a little hope that the change in director might make the films a little less whiny and a little more shiny. Surprisingly, I enjoyed the film. It was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. I didn’t like it for the romance, or the action or any of the reasons it’s being advertised for. I was literally shaking with laughter at parts, and it wasn’t at parts that were supposed to be funny.
To start off, I think that the film was well put together. There were references back to earlier films where we were given helpful flashbacks which blended into the movie perfectly. The special effects were pretty damn good and even though this was a darker film than the first one, it didn’t seem as physically dark. It was a more professional looking job than Hardwicke’s indie look.
It is a treat for fans of the books as it was incredibly true to the books. Scenes were exactly as described and entire chunks of the dialogue were taken from the text. I don’t think there was anything in the film that didn’t come from the book, which given the book’s massive following probably wasn’t a bad thing. While New Moon is a slower book than Twilight, at least there is more action which makes the two hour viewing time go quickly.
The relationship between Bella and Edward didn’t convince me at all though. When Robert Pattinson appeared, I again wondered ‘Why does everybody think he’s so hot?’ Seriously, tween girls must have a bad case of necrophilia because he literally looks like the walking dead. For this supposed Romeo and Juliet story (and apparently the two actors are now dating and everything) there was NO chemistry. There were a few awkward kisses and Bella’s annoying whining for the rest of the movie but when Edward comes back you question the protagonist’s sanity. Why doesn’t she go for Jacob? He’s nicer, hotter, funnier and not as annoyingly broody as Edward. I suppose the two deserve each other actually.
I still have a problem Jacob though. Many girls will probably hate me for this but does he have to be shirtless all the time? Of course nobody bats an eyelid at this sixteen year old who never wears a shirt. And when his similarly shirtless friend Sam comes out of a forest holding Bella looking lethargic you’d think her father would be a little bit more worried about what he may have been up to. If Forks is supposed to be this really cold and wet place you’d have to wonder why they weren’t a little more covered up. I read the books, I know the reason behind it but obviously they’re not worried about keeping their secret at all in the movie.
I went into the cinema to laugh at the bad acting, and luckily I wasn’t disappointed. The first hilarious bit was when Edward was breaking up with Bella. Bear in mind that I went to the latest showing time of New Moon and oddly there were more guys than girls in the cinema and not one tween to be seen. There were the two main characters, supposed to be bleeding emotion but instead there’s Edward in a monotone voice and Bella looking like she’s desperately trying to make herself cry and failing. He’s explaining that he’s leaving town with his family and Bella thinks that he’s including her in his plan.
“Bella, I don’t want you to come.” Sniggers in the audience.
“You… don’t… want me to come?” Eruptions of laughter and at this point I can no longer take the scene seriously. “Well that changes things…”
There were many narm (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/Narm) moments in the movie. A narm is a moment that’s supposed to be serious or heart-wrenching but ends up being completely hilarious. In fact, the whole movie is a narm. When Bella crashes on a motorbike and her head is bleeding, OF COURSE the moment calls out for Jake to pull off his t-shirt (?). After Jake joins his gang of shirtless men and starts avoiding Bella, she goes to yell at him. “Go away,” he says. More yelling. “Go away,” he repeats as if he has forgotten his line. Bella is temporarily taken aback. I think I’ve learned about how to win an argument.
In a picture of Edward and Bella running together nobody could keep a straight face. The two of them are grinning in what looks like golfing clothes or something and running in slow-mo. The memory still makes me laugh. It looked like a clothing ad that had appeared out of nowhere. It was knee-slappingly funny.
I’d go to the movie again tomorrow. It’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. The plot is weak, the acting is horrendous but it’s well edited with amazing CGI and it makes you laugh til your mouth hurts. It deserves to be a cult hit similar to that of Snakes on a Plane. It’s going to make a ton of money and it’s not going to win any awards but I honestly thought it was brilliant. And I dare any Twilight haters not to find it hilarious.